Sadness

Jed and I

I love this picture of my brother Jed, and I. We were in North Carolina celebrating my Dad's 65th birthday. This was back in April 2006 and we both look happy. Fast forward to June 2014, Jed has not been feeling well. Turns out he has been suffering from headaches and had a seizure at work. The diagnosis was a brain tumor, but they did not know what type.  Living so far apart made it really hard as we had to wait for people to call with news. The day of the surgery was stressful on everyone. I spent most of the day waiting with my sister Kate. We both instinctively knew that the news would not be good, the surgery took too long. We were told that he has stage 4 Glioblastoma. I hate that I know that word now and can spell it correctly. I have watched my brother over the last year fight this terrible illness and suffer from seizures. My once healthy, vibrant brother has now had to change his life to fight this disease that lives inside him.

 

Anyone who has met my brother cannot help but like him. He has that rare quality that draws people to him. His sense of humour and storytelling abilities are second to none. Jed has an extended family who loves him, and a very tightknit group of friends who he has known since high school who would do anything for him. The news of his cancer has been devastating to all. For me, I cannot accept that this is happening to such a fine person. It's funny, you go through life hearing about acquaintances and friends of friends who have become ill of died too young and you know you are lucky, but you don't stop to be truly thankful for what you have. Well, now I am one of those acquaintances or a friend of a friend. It's not a good place to be. I guess I am trying to say that you need to be thankful everyday for what you have. Take the time to be kind to others because you never know what someone else could be going through. I called this sadness as I have never felt the degree of sadness in my life. I only have one brother, and I do not know what I will do if I lose him.

Status Quo

I have not written in a long while. To be truthful, I have not felt like saying much as I feel that nothing has really changed. I should clarify that, nothing has changed in our society. My personal life has changed. My children had a great summer of travel and visiting with family. My daughter has started college and my son is now in 4th grade. I am happy in my life. However, I think about how we have squandered an opportunity to address the gun issues and violence in our society. We recently saw the massacre at the Navy Yard in D.C. and again the talking heads proclaimed that we need change blah, blah, blah. I don't want to sound cold, but if the murder of 20 little kids in their classroom did not prompt us to act then what will? I am at a loss, I feel like we have lost our way and there is no way back. How do we let the murder of a classroom of children and their teachers go without really examining our society and our values? I find myself getting more and more angry and at the same time I feel like nothing I do can make a difference. I have begun to think that perhaps my family and I should not live in the US. I am not naïve, I understand that bad things happen everywhere in this world, but we have refused to address any issues that would help us curb the violence. We do not see these mass shootings happening on a monthly  basis in other countries. Why us? What do we need to do to stop this? It will require a lot more action than just gun control. We need to address mental health, violence, parental accountability and many more things, but we have not. I am frustrated and disappointed. I think of the families who have lost loved ones to senseless gun violence and wonder how horrible it must be for them to see that nothing has been done to address the epidemic of gun violence in this country. So, that is why I have not written, nothing has changed.

Six Months Ago Today

So, six months ago today we watched in horror as the events at Sandy Hook Elementary unfolded. Has anything changed since then? Can I write about how we as a nation made meaningful changes to our guns laws? The answer is no. We have failed these children and their teachers. The outrage and grief that we all felt has not been enough to prompt us into taking simple steps such as universal background checks. I need someone to help me understand. I need to know who can stand up and argue that everyone has the right to go out and instantly get a gun even if they have a history of: mental illness, domestic violence, a criminal record or have had issues with substance abuse. I have family members who own guns and they support the idea of background checks and a waiting period. The idea is not to deny people the right to own a gun, but to deny those who have not been stable, law abiding members of our society the right to own a guns. I look at the faces of those who died at Sandy Hook and wonder how their families can cope with such a loss. I hope and pray that no one in my family ever has to go through what these families are experiencing. We as members of this society have an obligation to do something to push for change in our nation's gun and mental health laws. I hold my breath knowing that the next Sandy Hook will happen, it's just a matter of time. I hate to put that out there, but I think we all know it's true and that is an awful feeling.

Hard to Believe....

Help me understand.....

I took this picture of my son last April during a trip to Haifa, Israel. He is totally innocent, and blissfully unaware of the problems in the world. I only wish that I could shield him from the horrible things that seem to happen daily, but he is growing up and becoming more aware of the news and despite my efforts to protect him, he will want answers. When the Sandy Hook shooting occurred my husband and I decided not to talk to him about it unless he asked. Well, now we have had a terrible bombing in Boston, and he has seen the news and wants to know what has happened and more importantly, why would someone hurt people. Good question.

This week has been horrible for several reasons. First, was the terrible events in Boston, and the horrible images we saw on TV of the wounded. The news that 3 people lost their lives one of whom was just 8, same age as my son. Then to add salt to the wound we have an ineffective senate vote against passing a law that would require universal background checks for anyone buying a gun. Although approx. 80% of Americans support universal background checks our elected politicians felt that it was more important to bow down to the gun manufactures and NRA than to vote for what the majority of Americans of both parties want. I am sick and I am sad as I know that we will see another Sandy Hook, and we will all be appalled, but when we had the chance to take meaningful steps our elected politicians chose to support the NRA and the gun manufacturers over:

1. Charlotte Bacon (DOB 2/22/06)
2. Daniel Barden (9/25/05)
3. Rachel Davino (7/17/83)
4. Olivia Engel (7/18/06)
5. Josephine Gay (12/11/05)
6. Ana M. Marquez-Greene (4/4/06)
7. Dylan Hockley (3/8/06)
8. Dawn Hocksprung (6/28/65)
9. Madeleine F. Hsu (7/10/06)
10. Catherine V. Hubbard (6/8/06)
11. Chase Kowalski (10/31/05)
12. Jesse Lewis (6/30/06)
13. James Mattioli (3/22/06)
14. Grace McDonnell (11/04/05)
15. AnneMarie Murphy (07/25/60)
16. Emilie Parker (5/12/06)
17. Jack Pinto (5/6/06)
18. Noah Pozner (11/20/06)
19. Caroline Previdi (9/7/06)
20. Jessica Rekos (5/10/06)
21. Avielle Richman (10/17/06)
22. Lauren Russeau (6/1982)
23. Mary Sherlach (2/11/56)
24. Victoria Soto (11/4/85)
25. Benjamin Wheeler (9/12/06)
26. Allison N. Wyatt (7/3/06)

I want all of those who chose to vote against universal background checks to know that they have the blood of future murder victims on their hands. How would they feel if they had their child, sister, daughter, son, mother or father murdered?

So, help me understand... we can shut down an entire city to hunt a terrorist yet we cannot  pass a law that would require a 5 min background check to ensure that the wrong people do not acquire a gun. Like I said it's been a terrible week.




 

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Disappointed

This picture is part of a series I took of my son playing along the shore of the Mediterranean last spring. I love it because he was blissfully unaware of me photographing him, and it captures him simply enjoying a moment in time. I am glad that he has a sense of innocence and is generally unaware of the serious issues that we adults face. I see that the assault weapons ban has essentially bitten the dust so to speak. We no longer have a government that is for the people and by the people, what we now have is a government for special interest groups and by special interest groups (NRA). I am sad that my son and every other child in this country is not safe at school, on the playground or simply walking down the street. Their right to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness is secondary to the right of selfish individuals who demand ownership of military assault type weapons and who refuse any sort of dialogue on gun control. I want to be crystal clear on this I believe and support the 2nd Amendment however, I do believe that we need to control what types of weapons a person can own and the size of the magazines that are sold. Many of my family members own guns, and have made it clear that they would be more than willing to live with a ban on certain types of weapons, if it would make our society safer. I think a great first step would be an extensive background check system that links date on such things as mental health records, history of substance abuse, domestic violence and criminal background. Even if we could accomplish that piece then maybe some lives would be saved. Perhaps we need to look at people renewing their gun license after a period of time as they do in some countries. Finally, a huge piece of this is our failings as a society to deal with mental health issues. We need to look at how we treat people and how to address their ongoing care. I know I am repeating what many have said since Newtown, but it needs to be said over and over until we can reach some sort of compromise. I would hate for those 20 children to have died for nothing, and worse yet, to witness another incident where children die at the hands of someone who should never had access to guns.

Pay It forward

So, I was on my way to work Friday morning at about 6 am when I went through the Tim Horton's drive thru. I was teaching an orientation class at work that day and figured that I'd pick up some donuts for everyone and a coffee for myself. I ordered, and then drove up to the window where the young woman told me that my order was paid for by the person in front of me. My order was about $8 and I have to admit that it really made my day. I was told by the girls at the drive thru that the person who paid for my order said to "pay it forward."

I waited by the window for the next person and just my luck no one came! So, tomorrow I am working on a volunteer project with my work and I am determined to pay it forward so that someone else can feel like I did that morning. It was a small gesture, but it made my day. It reminded me that there are nice people in this world who do decent things for no reason other than to be kind. So, even though no one reads this blog and I simply do it to put my thoughts into writing, I wish this person the best as their gesture made me remember how important it is to stop and do something for some one else.